"Coming together is the beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success."
How to Use the MBTI Personality Types
to Improve Your Relationships
Personality plays a major role in our friendships and relationships. It encompasses many aspects and is not a simple matter to pin down. Understand your partner, friends and family with relationship advice through the MBTI.
Some matches are better for different people for different reasons, even if they are of the same type. Each person reacts differently to each other person, and situations can play a major role.
Remember that all relationships take effort, although the kind of effort involved may very well have a lot to do with one’s personality type.
Studies have shown us and common sense tells us that those whom we typically feel more comfortable around, and are more likely to feel that we have a “connection” with, are those we are similar to. Consequently, these are the people whom we typically form friendships with. We often find that what is important to us is important to them as well, and if not, the basic temperaments and ways of coming to conclusions are similar.
When we are courting or in a relationship, the results of a similar match are also parallel, but the pull of a contrary force – “opposites attract” – is often heavier.
“I am an Introvert who is often lost for words and am rarely talkative, especially with those whom I don’t know well. But I met someone for the first time the other day and was amazed - we talked for two straight hours non-stop. It wasn’t like she was a big talker herself, either; she was just as surprised as I was! It was later no surprise to me when I found out that she had the same type as me on the Myers-Briggs. I’m pleased to say that we are still close friends to this day.”
It can be comforting and reassuring when your partner shares the same personality type as you. He or she is likely to naturally and quickly understand your decisions, way of viewing the world, your tribulations, and where you are coming from. While this often feels nice, this isn’t what is always needed in tough times. The partner may not have the strengths needed to provide further insights, or they may even inhibit your growth.
“My wife is a very different type than me, so I find that she gets happy about different things than myself. There is often a situation that would make one of us happy, only, it actually makes both of us happy because we are happy when the other is happy.”
Advantages to similar types in relationship:
- Partners enjoy same or similar activities.
- It’s easier to communicate with and understand each other.
- Sharing the same strengths implies also the need to grow in areas of weakness.
Disadvantages to similar types in relationship:
1) Groupthink - “His rationale sounds like the kind I would use; sounds good to me.”
2) Partners don’t have the wide range of views and possibilities that come into play with those who are different.
3) Competitions can erupt, causing one to lose confidence in their abilities.
4) Weaknesses are the same (lack of complimentary components).
One can gain a lot from being in a relationship with someone who has very different preferences. One may be forced to think about things he/she wouldn’t normally think of or concern themselves with. New insights, ideas, and perspectives are brought into play. Added benefits can include new experiences and new ways to do things.
Advantages of dissimilar types in relationship:
Partners can . . .
- Help each other out, often resulting in higher appreciation levels
- Help each other see things differently, anew.
- Help cultivate preferences and functions that don’t normally get used, making them less foreign when there is no choice but to use them.
- Learn to compromise (something that everyone has to learn to do, and something that can be a vitally helpful tool in the workplace and in getting along with others in general).
- Complement each other, providing a wider range of strengths and the ability to complete tasks successfully.
Disadvantages of dissimilar types in relationship:
- It’s tougher to communicate.
- You may feel that your partner doesn’t understand you.
- You are less likely to engage in and enjoy the same activities.
- When interests are the same, the ways of learning, coming to conclusions, seeing the world, and reasons for those are likely to be different.
- It isn’t easy and can be frustrating when time or resources are limited and an important decision and actions needs to be made.
There are a few different theories of personality types and relationships. Someone may call one type the “natural partner” for another type, while someone else may claim the same but have a totally different theory and list of matches.
Take the following theories with a grain of salt and realize that there is no perfect formula or list of ideal type matches. A few of the major relationship theories that are out there are as follows:
The Opposite Theory
This is based on the “opposites attract” belief and sticks with it. Opposites have shown to initially and naturally attract others. Obviously this theory also places heavy emphasis on complements.
The 2nd category (N,S scale) the same, with the rest of the preferences different
This theory was set out by David Keirsey in his bestselling book Please Understand Me 2. This theory places the emphasis on compatibility in the 2nd category (How We Gather Information), and complements in the other 3 categories.
Two preferences the same and two different (with at least one of the middle preferences being the same) (S/N or T/F scale)
This theory trusts in balance and the importance of compatibility in the middle two categories.
Having the same dominant preference but different function
You’ll have to understand Jung’s Type Theory of 8 functions in order to thoroughly understand this one. This theory holds confidence in the matches of couples who have the same dominant preference but use that preference in a different way. For example, the INTJ, ENTP, INFJ, and ENFP all have iNtuition as their dominant function. However, for INTJ’s and INFJ’s the dominant function is Ni (Introverted Intuition), while ENTP’s and ENFP’s have the dominant function of Ne (Extraverted Intuition). According to the theory, those with the Ni function (INTJ and INFJ) are best matched with those with the Ne function (ENTP and ENFP). This theory has proliferated from www.personalitypage.com.
As you see, if effort is made, growth can take place in relationships with those who are similar to and different from us. As with most things in life, its all very complex and a lot comes down to individual situations and the complexities that exist in different people. Personal improvement takes guts. It means looking yourself in the eye. Keep a marriage or a relationship together is equally as hard; the first step is knowing yourself; the next is knowing your significant other. But you don't have both, no Myers-Briggs test, no MBTI personality profile in the world will save your relationship.
As you can tell, this is not your average, typical relationship advice. Improve your love life, get along better with friends and family, and make better decisions. The myers-briggs and famoustype.com can improve your life in many positive ways -- but nothing comes without work and the willingness to dig deep.